as the title says :p
updated version of http://www.hawkee.com/snippet/6165/
reposting my old link and script as I changed my account again

on *:text:*:#: {
  if ($address == Youraddress/vhost) {
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(kick?k\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | kick $chan $2 requested by my owners }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(vop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs vop $chan add $2 3 | mode $chan +v $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(dvop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs vop $chan del $2  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(hop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs hop $chan add $2  | mode $chan +h $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(dhop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs hop $chan del $2  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(aop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs aop $chan add $2  | mode $chan +o $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(daop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs aop $chan del $2  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(sop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs sop $chan add $2  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(dsop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs sop $chan del $2  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(op?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +o $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(deop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -o $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(idle?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -o $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(halfop?p\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +h $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(dehalfop?s\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -h $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(voice?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +v $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(devoice?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -v $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(ban?n\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +b $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(tban?n\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | ban -ku3600 $chan $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(gag?g\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | ban -u300 $chan ~q: $+ $address($2,2)  }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(door?r\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | ban -ku60 $chan $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(unban?n\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -b $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(akick?k\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs akick $chan add $address($2,2) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(deakick?k\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | cs akick $chan del $address($2,2) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(silence?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +b ~q: $+ $address($2,2) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(unsilence?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -b ~q: $+ $address($2,2) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(mode?e\s\w+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan + $+ $right($regml(2),6-1) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(demode?e\s\w+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan - $+ $right($regml(2),6-1) }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(shutdown?n\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +RmS }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(freechan?n\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -RmS }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(noflood?d\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +j 5:5 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(Xflood?d\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -j }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(stopflood?d?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan +f [5c#C15,25j#i5,10k#K15,30m#M5,10n#N15,7t]:15 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(removeflood?d?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | mode $chan -f [5c#C15,25j#i5,10k#K15,30m#M5,10n#N15,7t]:15 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(leavethis?s\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /part $chan }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(jointhis?s\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /join $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(joinme?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /join #mircbots }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(cycle?e\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /hop # }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(noob?b?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | echo -a $regml(2) | mode $chan +RSCT | .timerMODE 1 $2 { mode $chan -RSCT } }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(update?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /msg nickserv update }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(invite?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /invite $2 $chan }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(kill?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /kill $2 this was requested by my owners }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(uline?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /uline $2 }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(svskill?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /svskill $2 :this was requested by my owners }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(ogag?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /svso  $2 - | /svsmode $2 +d | /shun $2 gagged }
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(uogag?e?s?\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /svsmode $2 -d | /shun - $+ $2 }   

  }
}
on ^*:TEXT:*:?: {
  if ($address == Youraddress/vhost) {
    if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(jointhis?s\s\S+)/i)) { tokenize 32 $regml(2) | /join $2 }
  }
}

to put into your remotes 

on *:input:*: {
  if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(jointhis?s\s\S+)/i)) {
    tokenize 32 $regml(2)
    .msg Botname jointhis $2
  }
}
on *:input:*: {
  if ($regex($1-,/(^|\s)(leavethis?s\s\S+)/i)) {
    tokenize 32 $regml(2)
    .msg Botname leavethis $2
  }
}