This is in the style of the original using conditionals except the unigue parts are assigned to local variables. This method is easy to read and edit/add in more choices. Note inline if and $$1 and also reuse of %r.

menu nicklist {
  .slap
  ..$iif($$1,Pro Slap! $1,Pick a Nick):{
    var %r $r(1,7),%walk,%car
    if (%r = 1) %walk = 12 inch Butterfly knife         
    if (%r = 2) %walk = Bowie knife
    if (%r = 3) %walk = wooden stick
    if (%r = 4) %walk = metal pole
    if (%r = 5) %walk = Fleshlight
    if (%r = 6) %walk =  glove with a brick inside it
    if (%r = 7) %walk = ton Acme weight
    %r $r(1,4)
    if (%r = 1) %car = RPD Bling pro(Heartbeat sensor + FMJ)
    if (%r = 2) %car = M16 with n00b tube
    if (%r = 3) %car = SPAS with red dot sight
    if (%r = 4) %car = Desert Eagle
    .timer 1 1 me walks up to15,1 $1 then pulls out a9,1 %walk and massacres them with it...
    .timer 1 3 me goes to his car and takes out a 7,1 %car and shoots $1 in the head and walks away.
    .timer 1 5 say 9,1another bitch.. 11,1PWNED!!!
  }
}
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